‘​​She doesn’t seem to understand why throwing out hundreds of dollars of foods is bad:’ Man makes lunches for his wife, learns she throws them away at work

Author image for Baiz Hoen
Baiz Hoen
Feb 5, 2025 10:00 AM EST

We all know about the famed five love languages, but the one you hear about the least is "acts of service." Basically, "acts of service" boils down to this: you perform chores for your partner without them asking you to do them to alleviate a bit of stress in their life. Sometimes, this can be a very nice gesture, like taking your partner's car to get the oil changed on a whim. It can get a little muddy when you're just performing the chores you're supposed to do for general household upkeep, but that's another story. If you're a true "acts of service" person, it is a surefire way to make your partner feel seen and cared for.

Because acts of service require a good amount of time, effort, and sometimes financial responsibility, it can really sting if someone is unappreciative of your efforts. One man experiences this when he learns that his wife throws away the lunches he makes for her to take to work. So, should he stop making the meals altogether and have her fend for herself? Or is there a better way to show her that he feels slighted? Read on to see what you think.


 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10461461760
    via elloproducts
  • 02

    "AITAH for no longer meal prepping portions for my wife?"

    My [26m] wife [25f] and I are newly married, and we have lived together for a year. We get along well, and I can count on one hand how many times we've actually argued about something consequential (obviously excluding joke arguments).
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 03
    Now, ever since I graduated high school, I have been super into meal prep. Every three to four days, I'll cook up several different dishes. My favorites are curries, stews, burrito kits, healthy McChickens, and the like. I also make a pretty mean jambalaya.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 04
    Last week, my wife came home after work talking about a restaurant she had discovered near her workplace. I asked how she had learned about it, and she said she and her co-workers went there for lunch. This confused me, as I had sent her to work with a packed lunch, but I just figured she had left it in the fridge there.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 05
    The next morning, though, I saw her take one of the containers out of the fridge. I reminded her that she went out to lunch the previous day with her co-workers and therefore should still have lunch in her work fridge, but she nonchalantly responded, "Oh, I threw that out."
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 06
    I pressed her for details, where I learned several things. First, she goes out to lunch with her co- workers three or four times a week. Second, whenever she goes out with them, she just tosses the food I made into the trash. Third, she doesn't seem to understand why throwing out what has amounted to hundreds (if not thousands...) of dollars of foods is bad.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 07
    So I asked her why she wouldn't just bring the food home or eat it the next day. She said, "Nah, I don't want to do that." My feelings were honestly hurt, but she had to go so the conversation ended there. That night, I tried to raise the issue again, but all I could get out of her was the same spiel about not wanting to bring the food back home and it not mattering all that much.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 08
    Well, the next day was a meal prep day, and I didn't make any for her. I put my name on all the containers. The next morning, she opened the fridge looking for hers, and she asked where it was. I told her that she had a higher than 50% chance of just tossing it anyway, and that I wasn't going to make lunch for her anymore.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 09
    She was furious with me. She insists that what she did was no big deal, and one day she even took one of the containers with my name on it. Am I the a hle for just cutting her off like this?
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 10

    People in the comments were on this man's side

    Cheezburger Image 10461468928
    via ellaolsson
  • 11
    NTA. She is contributing to a HUGE amount of waste, and waste of time. It's actually baffling that she doesn't see how big of an AH she is.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 12

    Wasting food, in this economy!?

    NTA. Insane to me that she throws out good food. At least give it to someone else, a co-worker, a homeless person, anything but wasting your food, time, and effort. And the fact that she couldn't see how you would be hurt by that is such a red flag.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 13
    I think you need to talk to her when you're able to be calm and explain WHY it's a big deal to you, why you were hurt, etc. This is a learning opportunity for her and she better take it!
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 14
    NTA. It's ridiculous to throw away good food. I wouldn't cook for her anymore either.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 15
    NTA. Don't cave on this. She has no respect for your hard work. No respect for costs. Like another comment. You are not meal prepping for the trash anymore
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 16
    NTA. Wasting money and disrespect for your time and effort. Maybe you could help her make a frozen meal for herself.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 17
    If it's not a big deal for her to throw them out, it should be less of a big deal when she has nothing to throw out. The meals are made with the intent that she's going to eat them. NTA.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 18
    If she wants meals that she can throw out on a whim, she can make her own food. She can sign up for one of those frozen meal prep subscriptions, if she doesn't know how to cook.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 19
    NTA. There is legitimately something wrong with her if she's incapable of understanding how f ed up her actions and attitude are.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 20
    I'd tell her bluntly that it's messed up that she has zero respect or appreciation for the time, money, and effort you put into meal prep while somehow still feeling entitled to all of it. It's an ugly attitude to have and you won't enable it.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 21

    Acts of service royalty here.

    NTA. the way I would worship someone who did this for me. And she throws it out??? Like can't even give it away, just fully wasting food? That's so ride and so insane.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 22
    Of course not, she is throwing it in the trash, unless you are making it for the trash, you don't make it.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 23
    NTA. This isn't about her throwing away food. This is about her:
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 24
    1. Disrespecting the effort you put into making extra meals, separating them out, and having them ready to at her convenience. 2. Disrespecting the time. spent doing the above. 3. Disrespecting the amount of money she literally has been throwing into the trash. Why not bring it home so you could eat it if she didn't want to?
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 25
    4. Not caring one bit about your feelings. She's showing you her true colors here. If it doesn't matter, or isn't important, TO HER, then it doesn't matter at all. Whether it's important to you or not, does not change the situation. She just doesn't care. And the fact she's unwilling to hear you out about it and have a discussion is not cool.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 26
    You need to have a Frank conversation with her about how disrespectful this is - and how her throwing away that food is insulting YOU. She has been essentially wasting your time, effort, and money, by spending money going out to eat AND wasting money by throwing away the meal you prepared her with love.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook
  • 27
    If she still won't talk about it, then you've got to get her a in couples counseling or something. Because her attitude is the real problem here - and it's not likely to stop at this one thing. She's taking you for granted and doesn't seem to care. You have every right to hold your ground on this.
    via WifeCantWontDontCook

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